My Testimony

As a deaf-blind individual who also has a slight speech deficit, doing any kind of audio is nerve-wracking – but, I felt led to record my testimony.

The Christian experience, from start to finish, is a journey of faith. (Watchman Nee)

TRANSCRIPT

Life in itself is a journey – but when you become a Christian, your journey takes on a whole new meaning.

We’re all here not by accident. Nothing occurs by accident.

You are no accident. It’s no accident that certain things happen to you – whether good or tragic.  This is really difficult for us to accept. I mean, look at all the attrociities that have occurred throughout history. All the pain and suffering. How would – how could a loving God allow these to happen to us?

And it’s no wonder why many refused to believe in such a God – even Christians.

Even me.

My journey as a Christian began at the age of six. It began out of fear.

I’d learned that without Jesus, I was destined for this terrifying place called Hell.  A place where I would suffer for all eternity.

I also learned that in life on earth, as Christians, we are not exempt from suffering either. 

I struggled mightily with this.

I’ve watched my cousin and best friend, Darren as his body was ravaged by Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy. He succumbed to it before our fourteenth birthday. I learned at a young age how fragile life could be – that kids were not excluded.

In Kindergarten, I was diagnosed with moderate hearing loss – a disability that I accepted and moved on with my life. At the age of twenty-one, thinking I just needed glasses, I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa (a progressively degenerative disease of the eyes).

Not only was I hearing impaired, I was visually impaired. A deaf-blind.

Less than two years after the diagnosis, I met and married Aaron.

My journey took me away from my childhood home to another part of the state. Eighteen months down the road, he would be killed in a car accident.

Deep in pain, I began to question the love of God. How could He allow terrible things to happen to His children?

Angry, bitter, and full of resentment, I basically turned my back on Him.

I wanted no more part of this thing called Christianity. All it ever done for me was cause me pain and grief.

I began to look elsewhere for answers and hope and healing – but each never truly offered me full reprieve from my misery.

I remarried and struggled to move on with my life.

Even though I’d turned my back on God, I could still feel His presence. Something I tried to ignore, but there was no ignoring Him!

Life continued to throw things at me, things that caused more pain and more suffering.

Nearly lost my second husband to Pericarditis. Job losses. Pregnancy complication with our son. Loss of my Dad. Miscarriage.

It wasn’t until seven months ago when I woke up with excruciating pain in my chest that death personally came knocking at my door.  I knew what was happening and the first thing I did was pray.

I prayed for forgiveness.

As I went through testings and watched my husband and doctors frantically running around, I was filled with a peace I’d never experienced before.  Though I turned my back on Him, He never left my side.

Throughout this, I felt His presence comforting me, reassuring me.

I did indeed suffer a heart attack. I had two major blockages in my heart – one was called the Widowmaker where my chances of survival were less than 25%.  The stents were successfully placed and I was released less than two days later.

The lower left ventricle of my heart was severely damaged – but, I am alive.

This experience changed me. I realized I’d been given a gift. Not just a gift of a second chance. No, no it was much more than that.

It’s so true that a close call with death can truly change how you see everything. You look at life and at people with a different set of lens. As a Christian, I’m beginning to look at things through the lens of how Jesus sees the world.

I thought I began my Christian journey at the age of six – but, I’m just now starting this journey. Yes, I’ve been a Christian for most of my life, but my focus has been solely on me. And being a Christian isn’t just about professing our faith and following the commandments – no, it’s so much more than that and I believe that as a church, we lost sight of the Truth. Of the Truth that Christianity is about relationship.

Our relationship with Him.  

Christianity isn’t just a religion. It’s alive.  And it’s all about relationships and love and obedience.

With this new lens, everything is new to me. I feel like I’m reading the Bible for the first time. Prayer times have taken on a whole new meaning. Life is hard and yes, full of suffering and pain at times. But, I much rather go through these hard times with Him knowing that they will only last for a short time and that I have an eternity of joy, peace, and beauty to look forward to.